What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 13:44
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What ended your relationship with your best friend?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
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He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He knew the spot.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I will be 64.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I have no regrets .
What did i know ?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Comes on , in middle age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When she asked me how she looked .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What makes a woman attractive?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I couldn’t, believe it.
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He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do some women squirt and some don't?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And i lived it daily.
I was seconnd youngest,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My family never makes their pension either.
So whats the point in blame.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We all went to grammer schools
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I think the readers, may guess!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My life is so biszare .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
All the time i was locked up.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So, i spoilt her more .
Who then, do I blame.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was scared of men, in general
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im still living with it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She was in good health!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot live in the past .
But it wasn’t much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was very sick at this time too.
She found it foreign!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was 9 years of age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Put me off passion for life!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Ive learnt so much.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
This is soul school!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She loved him until the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Would this be the day?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were not on the streets..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I said to her
I waited trembling.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..